A Wife Loved Like The Church

Top Ten Things You SHOULD Say to a Pregnant Mama

Posted on: October 4, 2011

Remember last week, that stupid comment I received from a lady at Chick-fil-A? After reading my post, my dear friend Leah, from A Momma on a Mission, had a brilliant idea :: What you should say to a pregnant mama.

A few things to keep in mind when dealing with a pregnant mama – she’s tired, she’s emotional, and most likely, she’s dreaming of a day when her belly fits into a shirt. And while I absolutely adore being pregnant {and have come to terms with all one billion stretch marks my children have given me}, a little tact while talking with people is much appreciated – especially from other mamas.

1. If you’ve asked a mama when she’s due {and please do this with care}, when she gives you her answer say “Wow! You look great for being X weeks along!” Please refrain from saying she looks bigger {or smaller} for how far along she is.

2. Don’t point out that she looks tired. She knows she looks tired, because she is tired. Instead, focus on something else. I recently had a friend say “Your hair looks amazing.” It was random, but it made me feel really pretty.

3. Always, always compliment a pregnant mama. Even if you don’t know her, stop her and tell her she looks nice. Go ahead and say “You look glowing.” Chances are good that one little comment will make her day.

4. If a pregnant mama already has kiddos running around her, it’s pretty likely she’s running even lower on energy than others. Don’t point out that fact {it’s like an oxy moron}. Try saying “Your children are beautiful!” or “Your children are delightful!” It might not be a compliment specifically about her, but really, it is.

5. Kindly offer a pregnant mama a sweet treat.Β But, please, don’t assume that all pregnant mamas eat chocolate all day and toss their nutritional sense out the window when those two pink lines appear. Yet, do realize that a salted caramel truffle can go a long way.

6. Sometimes {just sometimes} pregnant mamas might complain about how horrible they sleep. Don’t tell them it’ll just get worse when the baby comes. If they are veteran mamas, they already know that. If they are first time mamas, it’ll just discourage them. Instead, say these sweet, sweet words – “Go lay down while I clean/help with the kids.”

7. If you know a pregnant mama like me, she doesn’t like to feel like she’s a delicate being that should just sit around while others do all the work. Please ask her for help and make her feel useful. Just maybe don’t let her move furniture, or she’ll be dealing with some crazy Braxton Hicks contractions for days {uh, not that I’d know anything about that…}.

8. Tell her she’s blessed. Most mamas know just how blessed they are to have their babies to care for. But there are times that lack of sleep, aches and pains, along with tantrums, can make us forget just how great mamahood is. A friendly, meaningful “You are one blessed mama!” can make our days brighter.

9. “You’re doing a great job.” Oh, how I love those words. Whether it’s about my pregnancy, or my parenting, knowing that I’m doing my best, even when it doesn’t seem like it, makes me keep pushing through the tough times.

10. What is/was yours favorite thing to hear while you were pregnant?



Visit Amanda at Oh Amanda for more Top Ten Tuesday.

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23 Responses to "Top Ten Things You SHOULD Say to a Pregnant Mama"

Great post!! The thing I hated most was when people would say sleep would get worse after the baby came. Or actually, anything that was negative about what was to come. I liked when people would tell me positive stories, or tell me how much they loved being a parent.

A couple at church who has an almost 2 year old boy recently told us “You’ll hear a lot that it gets rough once they start walking and being a toddler and that it’s not as fun, but it’s not true. We have loved every stage.” That was nice, just a positive comment for the future and it helps me frame things in a positive way. If everybody is saying negative things all the time, it’s hard to be positive.

I agree, it’s so hard to stay positive when all you hear is negative. I like having a reality check {like, knowing that motherhood isn’t all daisies and rainbows}, but at the same time I don’t want to have people telling me it’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to them. Balance. It’s all about balance.

I want to paste and copy this entire post and make it go viral! Every single one of those things are true and most mothers in general need to hear them, but even more so when they are pregnant. I think my favorite is “You’re doing a great job”. I remember when I was newly pregnant with Jacob and was exhausted with Judah not sleeping, someone told me that I was doing a great job, that God had given me the specific skills I needed to do this job and that I was using them perfectly. I knew at the time that I was failing more often than I was succeeding (with my attitude and all) but hearing that encouraged me and gave me the extra energy needed to make it that day. πŸ™‚

Haha! Maybe we should make laminated cards to give to people when they start to put their foot in their mouths? πŸ˜‰

Totally agree with loving hearing that I’m doing a great job. Even if I’m not {or feel like I’m not}, having someone remind me that only I could raise my kids the way God wants them raised, makes me remember just how important my job really is.

Love the laminated cards idea! πŸ˜€

I follow along with a handful of mom-type blogs (Why? Not sure…Curiosity? Insight?), and I thought it would be encouraging to let you know that yours is probably my favorite. For one, it’s godly — not like super-home-school-nutrition-ninja-and-oh-by-the-way-I-crocheted-an-evening-gown (though I’m sure you’ve written on all those topics), but a gritty, God in the trenches of motherhood kind of godly. Second, your writing is descriptive about your kids and family without being in TMI territory, and you are transparent about yourself without sounding like you’re posting personal journal thoughts or seeking affirmation from your readers. Third, it’s helpful for the clueless. And fourth, there’s grace consistently woven into the writing. Strengthening grace for others. I’m sure many readers are thankful for these posts.

Eddie – dude, thank you! Seriously, that really blessed me. It’s constantly my desire that my blog bring God glory through just showing my life and His grace in it. Thanks for commenting and encouraging.

My favorite was “Not too much longer!” lol I loved pregnancy, but not the lack of sleep, lack of air and lack of energy. Nor did I like my thighs and hips expanding to such uncomfortable widths, my wardrobe shrinking and my appetite growing to colossal proportions. With that said, I would gladly get pregnant again, in a heartbeat. Only, we’re still enjoying Silas at each and every stage- too much. πŸ™‚ Maybe one day soon! πŸ™‚ Great article!

Oh, yeah, gotta love “not too much longer!”. It’s like having that cheerleader at the end of a long race who is pushing you to keep going.

AMEN!!! My sister is pregnant, the last of us girls to have a little one, and already they have her tagged as ‘obese’ and ‘high risk’ pregnancy because she is slightly heavy… no where NEAR obese 😦

I would suggest that it’s better to tell a mama “You look great!” Don’t put snt stipulations on how far along she is. (The same for older women as well.) The other day I hada guy say to me “I sure hope I get around as well as you do when I’m your age.” He is only 10 years younger! Bless his heart!!

And just to let you know… You do look great, you are doing a great job with my grandchildren and it gets better every year!

Love,
Mama

Your children are beautiful is one of the best things to say to any mother. Especially close to mother’s day πŸ™‚

Sarah, I LOVED this post!!! I also loved your idea about handing out laminated cards to stupid people after they insert their foot in their mouth πŸ˜‰

I totally felt for you the other day after that silly lady at Chik-fil-a talked to you, and all of these points are SO much more helpful!

I can’t pinpoint a certain comment during pregnancy, but once Jackson was born and was such a good baby, I got SO tired of everyone telling us that we should enjoy it because our second wouldn’t be like that. What the heck?

I have a friend whose first was a dream baby. And everyone told her she better enjoy it because her second was going to be awful. When she had her second, he was another dream baby. Ha! Proved all those people wrong. πŸ˜‰

Great suggestions!

And Sarah? You look glowing! You are fabulous and your kids are amazing. What a blessed woman you are! And how blessed your children are to call you mama! πŸ™‚

a

Sarah, what a great list! You are a beautiful momma, woman, friend, and Christian. Thanks for sharing your life on the blog. I’m often encouraged by things you say and am blessed to call you a friend IRL : )

I totally resonate with the ‘sleep now’ comments, they drove me crazy. I had no idea what lack of sleep would be like but it was not helpful to hear when I was 10 days post due, with carpel tunnel just wanting to lay on my belly and see my baby so badly. Obviously, those comments annoyed me. And never ever tell a new momma how awful her baby’s cry is, or how hard it must be to not have an ‘easy’ baby.

Oh Katie, we are so alike with our babes. Having someone {and especially a stranger} tell you that your baby’s cry is awful or that it’s must be hard to not have an easy baby is just crushing. And it’s even worse when people compare them to easy babies they know. Gee… thanks, that was really helpful and kind. :/

I love this list, especially #1 and #3. A woman came up to me at church two weekends ago to tell me I was glowing. She might have been lying through her teeth but her comments meant so much to me. I’m treating them like gospel now! πŸ˜‰

What a great post! How about maternity t-shirts in a variety of colors so that pregnant women can just wear these ideas around?

Seriously, though, sometimes it’s hard to know what to say to someone who’s pregnant, especially if you don’t know them well but are in a situation where you have to make conversation. And sometimes, when you’re desperate for conversation, dumb stuff comes out. So, I’ll gladly reference this list in those situations from now on!

I just enjoyed it when people would tell me that my family brought them joy to see in the store or at church or wherever. That is a nice compliment.

Another nice thing someone said to me last pregnancy was, “You’re all baby! Can’t even tell you are pregnant from the back!” That was nice too!

Great reminders on what to SAY to little mommies. I’m trying to be more sensitive to those around me. I like all of these suggestions and I can’t wait to try a few out.

Sarah, I read this on Facebook from a gal who is also expecting a baby soon….thought you would enjoy it!

To all of you preggy ladies who are feeling a bit on the large side about now, let me pass on the encouragement that I got from EmmaGrace this morning:
After looking at me for several minutes, she said, “Well, I know one thing your belly is NOT as big as… It’s not as big as God!”
Haha:) now, don’t we all feel better!?!?

My fave comment was walking into church one day some passersby stopped my Husband & I and said, “ok, we took a vote & you are officially the cutest pregnant woman” It was really sweet & encouraging.

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