A Wife Loved Like The Church

Posts Tagged ‘Stupid Things People Say

Remember last week, that stupid comment I received from a lady at Chick-fil-A? After reading my post, my dear friend Leah, from A Momma on a Mission, had a brilliant idea :: What you should say to a pregnant mama.

A few things to keep in mind when dealing with a pregnant mama – she’s tired, she’s emotional, and most likely, she’s dreaming of a day when her belly fits into a shirt. And while I absolutely adore being pregnant {and have come to terms with all one billion stretch marks my children have given me}, a little tact while talking with people is much appreciated – especially from other mamas.

1. If you’ve asked a mama when she’s due {and please do this with care}, when she gives you her answer say “Wow! You look great for being X weeks along!” Please refrain from saying she looks bigger {or smaller} for how far along she is.

2. Don’t point out that she looks tired. She knows she looks tired, because she is tired. Instead, focus on something else. I recently had a friend say “Your hair looks amazing.” It was random, but it made me feel really pretty.

3. Always, always compliment a pregnant mama. Even if you don’t know her, stop her and tell her she looks nice. Go ahead and say “You look glowing.” Chances are good that one little comment will make her day.

4. If a pregnant mama already has kiddos running around her, it’s pretty likely she’s running even lower on energy than others. Don’t point out that fact {it’s like an oxy moron}. Try saying “Your children are beautiful!” or “Your children are delightful!” It might not be a compliment specifically about her, but really, it is.

5. Kindly offer a pregnant mama a sweet treat. But, please, don’t assume that all pregnant mamas eat chocolate all day and toss their nutritional sense out the window when those two pink lines appear. Yet, do realize that a salted caramel truffle can go a long way.

6. Sometimes {just sometimes} pregnant mamas might complain about how horrible they sleep. Don’t tell them it’ll just get worse when the baby comes. If they are veteran mamas, they already know that. If they are first time mamas, it’ll just discourage them. Instead, say these sweet, sweet words – “Go lay down while I clean/help with the kids.”

7. If you know a pregnant mama like me, she doesn’t like to feel like she’s a delicate being that should just sit around while others do all the work. Please ask her for help and make her feel useful. Just maybe don’t let her move furniture, or she’ll be dealing with some crazy Braxton Hicks contractions for days {uh, not that I’d know anything about that…}.

8. Tell her she’s blessed. Most mamas know just how blessed they are to have their babies to care for. But there are times that lack of sleep, aches and pains, along with tantrums, can make us forget just how great mamahood is. A friendly, meaningful “You are one blessed mama!” can make our days brighter.

9. “You’re doing a great job.” Oh, how I love those words. Whether it’s about my pregnancy, or my parenting, knowing that I’m doing my best, even when it doesn’t seem like it, makes me keep pushing through the tough times.

10. What is/was yours favorite thing to hear while you were pregnant?

Visit Amanda at Oh Amanda for more Top Ten Tuesday.

Last night, while out with the girls, I had a woman stop me and say “You must get this all the time, but are you over due?“.

When I say no, she back pedaled as if her life depended on it. Then, when Julia and Hannah walked up to me, the lady’s eyes got really big, her mouth dropped and she said ::

“Oh my G-d. Are they both yours? How close together are they?”

I smiled and doled out the facts she requested, ordered our Chick-fil-A meal and walked away.

And when I walked away, I was hurt. Yesterday was a pretty ridiculously hard and emotional day. Then to top it off with a poorly thought out comment/conversation, it just sent me past any remaining good humor.

As I sat drowning my sorrows in a chocolate shake, watching the girls play, I wondered ::

What should be my response when people say stupid things?

I hear my fair share of stupid comments. Perhaps it’s the expansive belly. Or the children just too close in age for other people’s comfort. Or the fact that sometimes {just sometimes} I don’t look quite as put together as the world might like. For any number of reasons, I feel like a magnet for the thoughtless, stupid comments people make.

Typically, I can take them in stride and laugh it off. But every now and again, once pierces my heart. And it hurts.

Yes, I am pregnant.

Yes, I do have a big belly.

Yes, my girls are only 18 months apart.

Yes, their spacing was intentional.

Yes, I did leave my house without make up and my hair a complete mess.

Yes, I am fully aware I shatter your neat little view of the world.

So what should be my response when people say stupid AND hurtful things?

Love them and rejoice.

I didn’t really want to love that lady after her comment, but I knew I had to. I knew I had to make a choice to forgive her. I knew I had to hand over the pride she’d crush, the wound she’d made, the hurt she’d given. Slowly {very, very slowly}, I let God start whispering to me. Telling me the truth.

Yes, you are pregnant. Rejoice, for I have given you a son.

Yes, you do have a big belly. Rejoice, for I have made you to give life.

Yes, those girls are 18 months apart. Rejoice, for I have given them to you as a gift.

Yes, their spacing was intentional. Rejoice, for I planned it.

Yes, you did leave the house without make up and your hair a complete mess. Rejoice, for I know your beauty.

Yes, you did shatter their neat little view of the world. Rejoice, for Jesus did too.

I can’t stop people from saying something hurtful. But, I can stop it from hurting me. What people say, and even what I say to others when I’m being stupid, does not change what God says about me and my family.

So when people say stupid things, I will rejoice in the Lord and what He has said about me.

Follow Me on Twitter