A Wife Loved Like The Church

When People Say Stupid Things

Posted on: September 28, 2011

Last night, while out with the girls, I had a woman stop me and say “You must get this all the time, but are you over due?“.

When I say no, she back pedaled as if her life depended on it. Then, when Julia and Hannah walked up to me, the lady’s eyes got really big, her mouth dropped and she said ::

“Oh my G-d. Are they both yours? How close together are they?”

I smiled and doled out the facts she requested, ordered our Chick-fil-A meal and walked away.

And when I walked away, I was hurt. Yesterday was a pretty ridiculously hard and emotional day. Then to top it off with a poorly thought out comment/conversation, it just sent me past any remaining good humor.

As I sat drowning my sorrows in a chocolate shake, watching the girls play, I wondered ::

What should be my response when people say stupid things?

I hear my fair share of stupid comments. Perhaps it’s the expansive belly. Or the children just too close in age for other people’s comfort. Or the fact that sometimes {just sometimes} I don’t look quite as put together as the world might like. For any number of reasons, I feel like a magnet for the thoughtless, stupid comments people make.

Typically, I can take them in stride and laugh it off. But every now and again, once pierces my heart. And it hurts.

Yes, I am pregnant.

Yes, I do have a big belly.

Yes, my girls are only 18 months apart.

Yes, their spacing was intentional.

Yes, I did leave my house without make up and my hair a complete mess.

Yes, I am fully aware I shatter your neat little view of the world.

So what should be my response when people say stupid AND hurtful things?

Love them and rejoice.

I didn’t really want to love that lady after her comment, but I knew I had to. I knew I had to make a choice to forgive her. I knew I had to hand over the pride she’d crush, the wound she’d made, the hurt she’d given. Slowly {very, very slowly}, I let God start whispering to me. Telling me the truth.

Yes, you are pregnant. Rejoice, for I have given you a son.

Yes, you do have a big belly. Rejoice, for I have made you to give life.

Yes, those girls are 18 months apart. Rejoice, for I have given them to you as a gift.

Yes, their spacing was intentional. Rejoice, for I planned it.

Yes, you did leave the house without make up and your hair a complete mess. Rejoice, for I know your beauty.

Yes, you did shatter their neat little view of the world. Rejoice, for Jesus did too.

I can’t stop people from saying something hurtful. But, I can stop it from hurting me. What people say, and even what I say to others when I’m being stupid, does not change what God says about me and my family.

So when people say stupid things, I will rejoice in the Lord and what He has said about me.

26 Responses to "When People Say Stupid Things"

Beautiful post! It’s so easy for people to say thoughtless, hurtful comments and it’s so hard to respond in a loving way.

You totally just gave me goosebumps! (And you think your writing creativity has gone down the drain lately? Not at all, my friend!) This was absolutely beautiful and I know so many of us can relate with how you feel. I may not be pregnant now, but when I was, people always said stupid and hurtful things to me. They did so when I was trying to conceive too. You are an amazingly beautiful person inside and out. I love that you were able to step outside of your hurt to seek God and find out how He would want you to respond. On a different note…I hope you were also rejoicing in the chocolatey goodness of that milkshake. πŸ™‚


There was MUCH rejoicing in that chocolatey goodness. πŸ˜‰

What an awesome, God-honoring viewpoint of the family institution. I got so discouraged when I was pregnant with Silas because I too had a huge belly and was asked from 6 months on if I was due any day. Heart breaking? Hah. But I wouldn’t trade the privilege to create and give life for anything. Don’t delete this post, ever! Will be coming back for a re-read!

I don’t know when you had a chance to write this this after our talk at 12:30am last night, but I’m so glad you did. To be honest, I like that you get these silly comments all the time. I don’t know why it happens to you and not me, but it’s so good for you. Because God really uses it. And you are such an encouragement to me and so many others. Thank you love.

Hahaha! I love you babe. It really is good for me. Maybe this is God’s way of refining me? Letting all those silly comments come flying at me. And then He gave me you to help me laugh about it in the middle of the night.

Oh my, what you write provides such honesty. I have this one “friend” who continually tries to pull me down. And it gets to me, *every single time*. I wish sometimes that I wasn’t so sensitive but regardless, I am so thankful that Jesus provides peace in my heart and gives me the strength to take the higher road. Looks like He gave that to you too, in that moment :).

Wonderful heartfelt thoughts, Sarah! Thanks for being so vulnerable!!

This post really resounded in my heart. I always feel like people are critical of me, and then I get resentful… this reminded me, to love them and rejoice! Thank you Sarah – and enjoy your children!

Beautiful thoughts Sarah!

I love this post. I hate that you were hurt, but I’m so encouraged by your example of listening to the Lord and letting Him work in your heart. You are an amazing woman and thanks for posting this because it was perfect for me to read today. πŸ™‚

You know, it is that woman that I feel sorry for really. You are the one obeying God and participating in bringing Him glory. She is simply disillusioned and didn’t realize how unthoughtful she was being. And honestly, both my boys made me look HUGE, but they were healthy and I lost the weight really quickly because they also ate like boys! I am glad you are hanging in there!

Thanks for all the support, ladies. I really appreciate it!

Sarah, you always make my heart smile! Thank you for being you, for being real, and for always sharing your life so honestly with others. πŸ™‚

Your beautiful Sarah and I love this story of how God can redeem even the nastiest days if we let him. Thanks for the encouragement you are beautiful, your family is beautiful!

I got these same kinds of comments when I was pregnant with my third child. A girl after 2 boys. My first 2 are 22 months apart and that was planned. My 2nd and 3rd are 15 months apart. It wasn’t exactly planned that way but it was Gods plan for our family. I would change anything. I would get looks at the store when I had my baby in a car seat and my big belly. And with your 3rd child your belly gets big quick. At least it did with me. I hope you just let the cruel comments roll off your back. God bless you on your beautiful family.

Thanks so much Sarah! One way or the other God is using you! To bless your little ones and those around you! My days would definitely go better (and do) when I listen to God’s reminders. Thanks for sharing and being apart of that!

[…] Giving grace when people are idiots. Sarah handles this with grace::: When People Say Stupid Things […]

Thanks for sharing Sarah! I can totally relate! Years ago I was on staff with an upfront role at a megachurch in my town. I had 3 babies in 4 years (18 months between the first two, 10 1/2 months between the last two). It was horrible some days. What helped me was imagining a “Stupid Things People Say” book. When someone came up and said, “Oh my! You are pregnant AGAIN! Don’t you know about birth control?” I’d just think, “another entry in the book” ~ and then smile and walk away. Somehow giving a place (albeit imaginary) for the unkind comments to go helped me “shake them off”.
May you enjoy every bit of your pregnancy. I now have a girl in 2nd grade, one in 3rd, and my son is in 4th ~ and I love having them so close together. God knows what He is doing!
BLessings to you
CIndy πŸ™‚

Cindy – that is a super idea! I think I’ve got enough for several chapters in my own book. πŸ˜‰ And the birth control comment?!? It’s like, seriously, of course we know about birth control, we are actually trying to have kids, not prevent them!

I think some people are unfortunately more prone to receiving these comments than others. I occasionally hear, “My, you have your hands full!” but rarely more than that. I, too, have two children who are actually just under 18 months apart (also intentionally). And I have a third baby, now 8 weeks old, just over 2 years younger than my second. And it’s awesome, you will absolutely love it. πŸ™‚ My older kids can’t get enough of the baby!

Some people just don’t think. It’s okay. They probably go home and feel kind of stupid, anyway.

Sarah, This is a great post with a lot of wisdom!

Beautiful post, Sarah! Your example is what we should do in every hurtful situation. I’m going to remember it for next time I need it. πŸ™‚

Love, love, love this reminder. Thanks.

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