Archive for the ‘Life’ Category
Who is God?
Posted on: July 15, 2009
- In: Life
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Last night, Jonathan and I had a long talk about who I believe is God. Meaning, who is God to me? His character, the way He shows love, etc.
I confess that I have been holding onto some lies about God. My heart and my mind don’t always line up, making it hard to believe what I know to be true. One of the hardest truths for me is that Jesus has paid for my sins. I struggle with feeling like God is going to pay me back for a sin I committed yesterday, a year ago or even ten years ago. I especially feel this way when things are either too hard or too good in my life.
I challenged myself earlier this week to get to the root cause for my thinking this way. One memory stood out clearly in my mind. My miscarriage and the death of Judah. Perhaps it was because these losses were one after the other and seemed sorely unfair, I saw (maybe even till see) them as a punishment for past sins. There were a few more that came to mind, but are a tad too personal for a blog.
Then I delved a little further. I am scared that God will stop loving me. That I will sin bad enough for Him to finally give up. This correlates with being punished for past sins. I sin, years later am punished, then God is satisfied and can keep loving me. Somehow in all this I struggle to prove myself worthy.
Alright, I know, really, I know that this is not true. I know, in my mind, who God is and that this isn’t God. Jesus paid for my sins, Jesus took my punishment, Jesus satisfied God. But my heart doesn’t always align with that thinking. In our talk last night, Jonathan addressed some key issues and I think it helped me get on the right track to seeking out the truth in these areas. I know who God is, now it’s a matter of believing it to be true.
In the car this morning, I heard “You never let go” by Matt Redman. These lyrics rang out to my heart:
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me
*On a completely random, non-God topic. I was eating a sandwich while writing this and just want to say that the one thing that grosses me out the most in this world is when you go to put mustard or ketchup on a sandwich and the first little bit that comes out is all watery and stuff. Gag me. Seriously. I could handle a massive blowout but not that watery mustard/ketchup nastiness.
Coffee, friend or foe?
Posted on: July 13, 2009
- In: Life
- 4 Comments
Julia woke up this morning at 1:30. Didn’t go back to sleep till after 4. For an hour.
Hannah woke up at 3:30. Didn’t go back to sleep till after 5.
I originally woke up at 2:30 (since Jonathan got up with Julia). Fell back asleep until 3:30.
I have been up ever since.
Around 9:30 this morning I was in desperate need of coffee.
Got said coffee. Took the girls to the park to burn off any remaining energy Julia had.
Came home. Ate lunch.
Put Julia to bed around 11:30.
Put Hannah to bed around 11:45.
Me? Still awake.
Physically tired, but mentally awake.
Can’t sleep.
Wish I could.
Stupid coffee.
Coffee, my love.
I’m still trying to figure out if I love coffee or hate it.
Since the girls went to bed, I’ve cleaned the upstairs, started three loads of laundry, paid random bills, had a quite time, cleaned my bedroom and surfed the web.
Without coffee, I could be asleep right now.
Without coffee, I would not have made it through my morning.
With coffee, I got a lot of stuff done.
With coffee, I am wired.
Friend or foe?
My life in numbers
Posted on: July 11, 2009
In sequence –
1 – the number of Pepsis I’ve had so far today.
2 – the number of miles I walked with Jack this morning.
3 – the number of hours I slept in a row last night.
4 – the number of years Jonathan and I will have been married this month.
5 – the number of pounds I’ve lost this week! 🙂
In random order –
166 – the number of days til Christmas.
8 – the number of weeks until the “4th trimester” is over.
27 – the number of pounds I’ve lost since having Hannah.
19 – the number of days til our anniversary.
21 – the number of days til the apple orchard opens.
And my favorite set of numbers to report:
3.5 – the number of weeks and days it took to fit into pre-Hannah pants!
That’s right. Today I officially fit into my pre-Hannah pants. I started wearing them last week, but had to tie the button with a hair tie to help them fit. But not today! Today they fit.
Next goal is to wear my pre-Julia jeans. They still have to be tied, but hopefully not for much longer! 🙂
Failure
Posted on: July 9, 2009
- In: Life
- 6 Comments
I’m failing.
I have always set high standards for myself. I expect a lot and want to be the best at everything. But, I will say that I am successfully getting my butt kicked by having two children. So much so, that my mom is coming back to Iowa for a few days.
Failure.
In the last four weeks, Julia has watched a shameful amount of tv.
Failure.
My disciplining is sporadic at best.
Failure.
Hannah has slept in our bed far more than Julia ever did. And I don’t see it stopping right away.
Failure.
My house looks like a tornado came through it. All day. Every day.
Failure.
I have not been the most grace giving, love showing mama.
Failure.
But God’s grace is sufficient for me, for His power is made perfect in my weakness.
Success.
God’s grace has saved me.
Success.
God still loves me. Even though my house is a mess, my oldest has watched too much tv, my youngest relies on a pacifier, my stress level is high, my emotions are on the fritz and even as an adult, I am having to call my mom to come rescue me.
Success.
“To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:7-10
- In: Life
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Once again, this really is for girls only.
No boys allowed (except for Jonathan, although, really, even you might wanna stay away).
Some of you might recall a while back I wrote about using cloth pads after I had Hannah. Well, here’s my update on my thoughts/feelings/ideas post baby.
On a scale of 1-10, 10 being deeply in love with cloth, I’d go with like a 7. I don’t passionately love them (or rather why I need them), but I really don’t mind them at all. They’re quite easy, rarely messy (more to come) and serve their purpose well. Overall, I’m glad I’ve made the switch and imagine that I won’t go back to store bought pads.
The nitty-gritty of the truth:
You really do need to change frequently, because they aren’t as absorbent as disposable. I think you could push them a little further if they have PUL or some other waterproofing material, but to save money and time I opted out of having any.
Maybe it’d would have been a better idea of a cleaning system before starting to use them right after a baby. Since I don’t have anything disposable on hand, it’s very, very important to not miss a washing day. Which seems far more taxing right after having a baby. But I’m getting use to it. Good news is, they’re small and wash/dry quickly.
Since mine are handmade, I don’t know what others are like, but it took me some time to figure out a layering system to know what absorbency and coverage would be best. I’ve found that two inserts, slightly over top one another work best.
Thickness isn’t always the best option. I’ve found having three thin layers works better than one super thick layer.
I’ve found, just like with Julia’s diapers, it’s best to have the pads already ready to go, so I don’t find myself fumbling around at 2 in the morning trying to put in inserts. Just switch and go.
Overall I really like them. I spent under $30 for 12 and have to say have been really happy with the switch. I’m tempted to buy a name brand one just to see what the differences are, but figure they can’t be that much. My friend who made them did a really excellent job and said she’d be willing to make more for anyone who’s interested. 😉
The thing is…
Posted on: June 25, 2009
God has a way of making me eat my words.
Seriously.
I feel like it happens all the time. I say one thing, God proves me wrong. Like the idea that just cause I pray for something doesn’t mean it’s going to happen. Yesterday was a doozy of a day. From start to finish I felt like I was getting my butt beat by everything and everyone. Jonathan came home during the afternoon to give me a little break. Before calling him I told myself that I needed the help, but that I was still strong, still under control, I just need a little help. I retreated to our bedroom to delve into the Bible with a hope that God would reveal some wonderful verse about how great I am, how I am special and wonderful in every way. Instead I read:
“If you fail under pressure, your strength is too small.” Proverbs 24:10
Right… Thanks God!
When I told Jonathan of my plight last night, his response was ” You’re way more dramatic then I give you credit for.” Ahh, gotta love honesty. 😉
I figure it’s all good, because really I do still have a lot to learn and God just wants to remind me.
In other news, having two kids is hard work! I could go into all the ways that I’ve discovered just how crazy busy life is with a toddler and a newborn, but frankly my brain isn’t functioning that well these days, so it’ll have to wait for another day and another post.
Truthful Thursday – Romans 5
Posted on: June 25, 2009
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“Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved priviledge where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s.” Romans 5:2
Truthful Thursday – Romans 1
Posted on: June 18, 2009
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“They traded the truth about God for a lie. So they worshipped and served the things God created instead of the creator himself, who is worthy of eternal praise! Amen.” Romans 1:25
- In: Life
- 10 Comments
The moment we’ve all been waiting for….
We had a baby.
A baby girl!
Hannah Michelle weighed in at 9 pounds, 2 ounces. Whew!
It makes me laugh a little, because for the better part of my pregnancy I was completely convinced we were having a girl. Then for the last 10-15 weeks (and especially the last 4-6 weeks) I thought for sure we were having a boy. But God knows what this family needs, and we need another beautiful wonderful daughter to raise, love and train.
Here is Hannah’s birth story for all you who are interested:
On Sunday, the 14th, my water broke around 7 pm. Like with Julia, it was a release over time, rather than one large gush. Around 8 pm I started having contractions that were about 10 – 15 minutes apart. By 10:30 I started walking the cul-de-sac with my mom and my contractions were coming every 4 minutes. They weren’t too bad, I could still walk through them, but had to stop talking. This lasted till 11:30, when Jonathan started getting ready for us to leave for the hospital. We arrived at the hospital a little after midnight. By this point my contractions had slowed down significantly, coming every 20 minutes or later. The nurse hooked me up to a machine to monitor my contractions and Hannah’s heart beat. During this time, the midwife, Lynne, came to check up on me. She expressed concerned, first, because Hannah’s heart beat has bouncing (almost literally) between 90 and 190, second, my contractions were slowly down more and more, and third, I had only dilated to 4 cm and barely effaced. At hearing this I got really upset, because it meant I still had so far to go. We made the decision to start pitocin to “kick start” the process. Again, I was feeling pretty emotional about how things were swerving farther from my original birth plan/idea and was nervous that taking pitocin would lead to other medicinal interventions. Thankfully, once I got the pitocin the contractions started coming regularly and were getting intense. I was able to use the tub to labor for a little while, helping to ease my muscles. Once I felt the need to push, I got out of the tub and got into the bed. I had some pretty severe back labor pains, so my mom and Jonathan would take turns pressing on my back during contractions. I tried “resting” between contractions but they seemed to be piggy backing making it nearly impossible to really ever relax. Just after 4 am, Lynne gave me the go to start pushing. I pushed for about 15-20 minutes and Hannah was born at 4:21. I must say, pushing was far more painful with Hannah than Julia. It could be because she is bigger, or pushing went much faster, but I clearly remember thinking “I am never having another kid”. Yeah, we’ll see about that. 😉
I will admit that things didn’t go as I had thought they would; I assumed that from start to finish would have been shorter, that I wouldn’t need any type of medicinal intervention and that I’d some how be more “ready”. But on the other side, since Hannah was born things are going better than I hoped. She’s latching on really well, has so far been very content and Julia seems to really love her.
God has been such a wonderful provider! I can’t begin to explain how blessed I am to be the mother of two beautiful wonderful little girls.
Hannah Michelle 6/15/2009
Julia Mabel 11/23/2007
And we wait…
Posted on: June 13, 2009
- In: Life
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Ok, I know I’d said I wasn’t going to blog before the baby comes, but at the begging urging request of Leah, I’m updating just so you all have a little something to read during your free time.
I’m still pregnant. Obviously. But I’m hoping my condition changes soon.
Friday morning I saw my midwife. She took some measures to help get things moving along and told me that I’m 3 cm dilated. My mom got into town Friday evening and since then we’ve been doing a lot of walking and massage therapy to help induction. I spent a good two hours at the mall this afternoon walking around. At one point I literally thought the baby was about to drop out of me. But again, obviously that didn’t happen. I’ve had some mild cramping, but nothing regular or seemingly promising. Even though I’m not due for another 3 days, I’ve found myself really struggling to trust God on the timing of Dubya Dos’ arrival. Part of this is due to my honest belief that I wasn’t going to make it this long, and part is because I really just want to meet my baby already. It’s funny that I know, logically, that this baby will come out, but my emotions are all over the place. I just keep clinging to truth, that God is always good and His will/timing is always perfect.
It’s been nice having some lag time between the DD’s arrival and my mom and Dave’s arrival. Julia hasn’t seen them since before we found out we were pregnant, so I’ve been nervous about how well she’d warm up to them. However, God has truly blessed their relationship. Julia has really taken to them both and is doing super. Because we don’t live in Tennessee, we don’t get a chance to see Omi and Grandpa very often, so having grandparents around is a whole new territory. I think Julia has really picked up on having new “freedoms” with Omi and Grandpa. Normally I’d been far more adamant about maintaining certain rules (ex: candy, roughhousing, etc), but think that this should be a treat for her, so have let a few several things slide by the wayside. But this afternoon/evening we did need a little time to reestablish who’s in charge. 🙂
Alrighty, I will let this be the real end until DD arrives. Hope you enjoyed the update.
A Wife Loved Like The Church 
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