A Wife Loved Like The Church

Posts Tagged ‘Writing

One of the things I love most about this little sphere of world I’ve made for myself is how I can so openly share life with all y’all (yep, yep, I did just make y’all a double plural). I’ve told some of my deepest secrets/shames, some of my greatest dreams, some of my hardest struggles, some of my highest victories.

Yet, I’ve realized over the last year or two, it’s hard to have a blog. Especially when you’re willing to be vulnerable and raw. Because now, now people know. They know the bad and the good, the struggles and the pains. And honestly, that can be kinda exhausting.

It’s hard to have a blog. But, like most things that are hard, it’s so, so good too.

And while I’ve tried and failed many times to stay the course, to write more often, I’m trying again. Putting myself out there and opening up once again because all y’all (see I did it again) have just been the best and I can’t quit you.

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Have you ever had words forming in your head, in your heart, only for them to get stuck? They just can’t move through your fingers, through to paper. I feel like that is where I have been for months.

Stuck.

I looked up stuck in the dictionary. It is the past tense of stick, which means to hold, cleave, or cling; to remain persistently or permanently.

I have to ask myself, “what am I clinging to? what am I refusing to let go?”. When the words won’t come, when what I am thinking or feeling just won’t release. What keeps me stuck?

Often I wonder if I’m afraid to feel all the feelings. Those feelings of pain, anger, fear. Those feelings of joy, happiness, relief. Afraid of the bad because it hurts so. Yet afraid of the good because it is so fleeting.

But what growth do I have if I stay stuck? Even if unstuck means pain, at least I’m moving.

So bare with me as I attempt to get unstuck. As I attempt over the next few weeks to let the words flow. They are sure to be confused, to be jumbled, as they unstick and move out of the muck. But move they must.

I’m not even sure where to begin, it feels so long since I have last written.

Life is busy.

Jonathan is working and traveling. A lot. Then toss in his MBA program.

I’ve started an amazing theological/seminary class through our church. It is crazy, and awesome, and totally kicking my butt.

Plus, there’s the whole, training for three major races thing.

Oh, and the kids. Let’s not forget the 3 kids under 5.

I don’t say all this to somehow make my life seem harder, busier, or more stressful than yours.

It’s not really. 

In fact, it’s really good. Really crazy and challenging, but good.

I tell you all this, because, life is busy. And because of that I’ve been pretty silent.

Sadly, I don’t see that changing. As much as I love this little blog I’ve created, as much as I love the friendships I’ve made, the lives I’ve touched and the ways I’ve grown through it, something has to give. And for now, blogging is it.

I have realized – I could keep writing, keep cranking out content. But it wouldn’t be from the heart. It wouldn’t be what I really want to say. It wouldn’t be what you really want to read. It would just end up being words on a screen. And I don’t want that.

For a while, I carried some guilt for not writing. Like there was a level of expectation set and I was failing to meet it. But that’s not true. I know that. You know that.

So for now, my sweet, dear, friends, I’m saying good night. I’m going to put Loved Like the Church to sleep for a now. I’m going to focus on this new season our family is heading into. And hopefully, one day not too long from now, I’ll be back, sharing my life with all of you again.

This summer has thrown me for a loop. No, that’s not true. Having three kids has thrown me for a loop. It seems that once I have enough time to devote myself to something more creative {like blogging}, my mind has exploded and I have nothing left to give. Which is sad, because frankly I really love my internet community.

And then, once I finally write something I’m passionate about, it takes a toll I didn’t foresee. Again, maybe that’s not true. I did foresee it, but didn’t expect it to be a conversation that lasted this long {though it’s allowed me to share the gospel with several people and that in of itself is down right amazing}.

I’ve found myself stuck – I want to write, but have been unwilling to carve out the time. Once I have the time {like now} I am unsure what to write.

So, my sweet readers, what do you want to read? My blog isn’t just a monologue, so if there is a dialogue you’d what, let me know. Clearly, I don’t shy away from many topics.

Let me know what interests you, what you want to read about, learn about and I’ll start writing. We can look at it as a win-win; you get to give me ideas, and I get to write.


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