A Wife Loved Like The Church

Funny how you can find yourself shying away from who you truly are sometimes.

I told all y’all {yes, I did just type all y’all} in September that life was too busy to blog. That was true. But there is more to it than that.

You see, about six months ago I wrote a post that is very dear to me. It caused some outrage and it caused some good discussion. Both of which I am totally ok with. What I didn’t realize {or rather didn’t want to admit to myself} was that with some of the backlash came a shying away. I didn’t want to write for fear of it causing another riot. And while I am not one to back down from my beliefs, I am also not one to keep arguing just to argue.

It felt good to walk away from blogging. To defriend some Facebook “friends”. To take a break. However, I’ve wanted to write again for a few weeks now. Yet, I keep getting gun shy, keep worrying about riots. I went so far as to make an alias blog. But what good is an alias, when what I really want is for people to know me?

Who am I?

I’m a girl who loves spontaneity, but can’t live without structure.

I love my Savior beyond words. But I’m not always great at acting out my Christian faith.

Learning more about Christ brings me to my knees. Knowing how depraved I am without Him makes me need Him even more. The closer I grow to God, the bigger He gets. That might seem terrifying, but it brings me comfort more than anything else.

I talk too much. Yet I don’t always speak up when I should.

I start arguments when I don’t feel accepted and loved.

I’ve fought dirty before. It’s not a good thing.

I married up. I am so happy for that.

I work for two princesses.

Before kids I never knew what it meant to love people so deeply beyond myself.

I do now.

I like beer. Shiner, specifically.

And red wine.

I drink often. But not excessively.

Running is a passion.

Then again, so is eating. Which is why running happens.

I screw up. A lot sometimes.

Other days I’m a freakin’ super hero.

I love music, but frankly don’t care for live music. You can call me weird for that one.

I day dream too much.

I try to act cooler than I really am. Which probably makes me less cool than I really am.

I’m more like a librarian that laughs at her own nonsensical jokes.

I am who I am. Yet I will change. I will mess up. I will offend. I will repair. But, I am staying put. I’m not shying away. This is who I am.