A Wife Loved Like The Church

Before leaving for Tennessee, Jonathan and I prayed for several different things, one being to have a blessed, joyful time. Yesterday, I realized that joyful doesn’t mean happy, carefree, but God centered and God focused.

Here are some highlights from our Thanksgiving week:

Wednesday – Julia fell off the front porch step and busted open her lip.

Thursday/Friday morning – Hannah was up every 1-2 hours because something I ate for dinner bothered her tummy. We were all up from 3:30-5. Started the day at 7. I woke up to: having started my cycle (what the what?!?) and a sinus headache. That lasted all day. Sweeeet….

Saturday – Julia got attacked by the family dog. You read that right. Not by Jack, mind you, but my parents’ old Golden Retriever mix dog, Buddy. Apparently, she was playing with him like she does Jack. Buddy didn’t like it so well, and in one split second had Julia pinned to the ground, teeth in the back of her head.*

Still, Saturday afternoon as we were packing, I thought “I’ve had a really good trip.” Then as I reviewed the last four days, I realized, there was a lot of bad mixed in with the good. A lot of “not happy” moments that took precedence over the “happy”. But for whatever reason, my heart wasn’t focused on those. My heart was focused on the good. And then I realized that God had answered our prayer. Our trip had been blessed. We arrived safely, we stayed unified as a couple and family, we enjoyed the company of our family – even more it seemed than usual, and God’s grace was being played out minute by minute. From keeping us joyful while the girls’ sleep patterns went askew, to ensuring the right parent was outside when Julia had both accidents (that would be Jonathan!). On our drive home last night, I listened to David Crowder Band’s new song How He Loves from their album Church Music. This song capitivated my heart and made me see that God is my great lover, the protector of my heart, the one who guides me through life and allows me to see His grace over shadowing the muck of this world.

He is jealous for me, Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us oh
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

He is jealous for me, Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us oh,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

And we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If His grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
And heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

That He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

*For the record, after a nap Julia was fine. With my supervision, she petted Buddy without reservation and played with the little dogs completely without fear. Jack is still her Jack. And we realized, now more than ever, we really have to teach her about interacting with other dogs. Lesson learned for all of us!

Come December, our family is moving.

Our church family knows about all the changes going on in our lives, but I haven’t shared it with the rest of the world. As of right now, we are in the counter/re-counter process on buying a house here in town. We have found renters for our current home and will be moving out mid to late December in order for them to take over. We won’t actually be moving into our new house until spring, so have arranged to live with our pastor and his family in the interim.

Truth be known, this isn’t my favorite thing in life. Moving and all. Frankly, it’s one of my least favorite.

As a kid I moved. A lot. At one point in my life, I calculated that I had lived in 11 places in 3 years. That’s crazy. College wasn’t much better, but less stressful. Since being in Iowa, we’ve moved three times (into our condo, in with our pastor, and into our current house). When we bought our current house, we knew we wouldn’t be here long-term (7+ years), so I have never seen my children “growing up” in this home. But, still, moving is hard. There are a lot of fears for me that come with moving; moving means life is uncertain and things are ending. Having not had the most stable of childhood’s, I worry what impact moving will have on my girls. Granted, in the grand scheme of things, they will never really remember this move (Hannah especially). But it opens up too many “what ifs”. What if we move again and they DO remember? What if they feel insecure? What if they doubt the security of their home life? What if they don’t adjust well? What if, what if, what if?

Last night, while driving to church, I told Jonathan some friends offered to let us stay in their house while they are gone over Christmas break. He was humbled and grateful and asked me to take them up on the offer. While discussing everything, I flippantly said, “Maybe we can do something completely different for Christmas this year, since it’s not going to be a normal real Christmas.” Jonathan said he was hurt by that remark, since Christmas isn’t comprised of trees/lights/decorations but family. We arrived at church and dropped the girls off while we listened to one of our pastor’s share on the book “Love and Respect”. At one point, he said “Women, what men hear when you criticize them is “You aren’t good enough. I don’t trust you.””

And in that very second, I had an ah-ha moment.

This move isn’t the same as when I was growing up.

We aren’t moving because we are broke.

We aren’t moving because there’s been a divorce.

We aren’t moving because life situations are bad.

We are moving because of God.

We are moving to advance His Kingdom.

We are moving so our family can be closer (Jonathan’s work is a block away).

We are moving as a family, in unity, in love and in security.

Like a ton of bricks, it hit me, that my comment about Christmas was a slap in the face to Jonathan. A way of saying “I don’t trust you. I don’t trust this move.” I don’t want that. I don’t want past fears to dictate future events.

And with that, I decided, I am going to rejoice in our newest adventure. We’re setting out, as a family, as husband and wife, in something faith-filled and life changing. Who knows, we might not stay in this new house for long, but that’s okay. Four walls don’t dictate the stability, security and love that comprises our family. Our trust in God does.