A Wife Loved Like The Church

Two very dear friends are having their first babies this spring. I am so thrilled for both of them. I have no doubt that they will embrace motherhood like the wonderful women that they are. But today, I wondered – “Will motherhood embrace them?”

You see, too often as mothers we can feel like we are competing against each other. We inadvertently {or intentionally for some} measure our children against other women’s children. Who had the longest labor? Who had the biggest baby? Who rolled over first? Who crawled first? Who walked first?

And those are just comparisons in the first year. It seems like the stakes get higher as the children get older.

We mothers use our children as measuring sticks for how well we are doing. “Julia might not be reading independently, but she can make her own lunch. At least she is doing better than Susie Q down the street. See, I’m excelling over Susie Q’s mom as a mother.”

That is an obviously ridiculous thing to think or say. But we do it. Maybe not about Julia’s mad lunch making skills, but about other things. We see what our child can or cannot do, compare it against other children and then against their moms.

And we are damaging a special bond when we compare each other. Motherhood is not a competition, it is a sisterhood. And we moms would do well to remember that. When we compare {for good or bad} our mothering skills against others, we are focusing on the wrong motives. I didn’t teach Julia how to make her own lunch so that I could somehow be a better mom in comparison to someone. I did it because she showed interest and I wanted her to learn. Motherhood is about training and loving your children. It’s about encouraging other moms in the same quest. How they train and love isn’t dictated by you. And how you train and love isn’t dictated by them.

But what is dictated by you is how you help encourage and strengthen your fellow mom. Are you genuine in your advice {and even more importantly, is your advice necessary or wanted}? Are you speaking words of encouragement? Are you standing beside the moms in your life and fighting for them or against them?

If 5+ years of motherhood have taught me anything, it’s that I don’t always know what is best for my own children let alone another person’s children. And that when I tear other moms down, it hurts me just as much as it hurts them. But when I build them up, they build me up. Then we all win.

And if you were to ever ask Julia, she’d tell you everyone likes a win-win.