A Wife Loved Like The Church

To All the Mothers Out There

Posted on: February 19, 2013

Two very dear friends are having their first babies this spring. I am so thrilled for both of them. I have no doubt that they will embrace motherhood like the wonderful women that they are. But today, I wondered – “Will motherhood embrace them?”

You see, too often as mothers we can feel like we are competing against each other. We inadvertently {or intentionally for some} measure our children against other women’s children. Who had the longest labor? Who had the biggest baby? Who rolled over first? Who crawled first? Who walked first?

And those are just comparisons in the first year. It seems like the stakes get higher as the children get older.

We mothers use our children as measuring sticks for how well we are doing. “Julia might not be reading independently, but she can make her own lunch. At least she is doing better than Susie Q down the street. See, I’m excelling over Susie Q’s mom as a mother.”

That is an obviously ridiculous thing to think or say. But we do it. Maybe not about Julia’s mad lunch making skills, but about other things. We see what our child can or cannot do, compare it against other children and then against their moms.

And we are damaging a special bond when we compare each other. Motherhood is not a competition, it is a sisterhood. And we moms would do well to remember that. When we compare {for good or bad} our mothering skills against others, we are focusing on the wrong motives. I didn’t teach Julia how to make her own lunch so that I could somehow be a better mom in comparison to someone. I did it because she showed interest and I wanted her to learn. Motherhood is about training and loving your children. It’s about encouraging other moms in the same quest. How they train and love isn’t dictated by you. And how you train and love isn’t dictated by them.

But what is dictated by you is how you help encourage and strengthen your fellow mom. Are you genuine in your advice {and even more importantly, is your advice necessary or wanted}? Are you speaking words of encouragement? Are you standing beside the moms in your life and fighting for them or against them?

If 5+ years of motherhood have taught me anything, it’s that I don’t always know what is best for my own children let alone another person’s children. And that when I tear other moms down, it hurts me just as much as it hurts them. But when I build them up, they build me up. Then we all win.

And if you were to ever ask Julia, she’d tell you everyone likes a win-win.

10 Responses to "To All the Mothers Out There"

Amen Sista! It is hard to remember that in the moment, but as in many things it is worth the effort!

It is totally worth the effort!

So sweet… and you’re totally right that we need to be a sisterhood instead of compete against each other.

Thanks Erin. Sisterhood all the way!

A to the men! I’m so glad you’re back here sharing your wisdom and insight with us all. I have always felt encouraged by you from afar. I’m definitely guilty of tearing others down, even if just in my head. I think our heart effects our thoughts and that effects our actions. So, even if I’m quiet about my comparisons they are still hurting people and it’s best to stand beside and fight for our fellow moms.

You hit the nail on the head – that even if it’s in our head/heart, that just because we don’t say doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. So true girl. And something I am sadly very guilty of doing.

True! And Sarah, you are such a gentle and patient mom… I’m glad to have your example in front of me. 🙂

Yes!! I love this so much.

[…] And a bunch more in this one::: To All the Mothers Out There […]

[…] Love this advice to the mommas::: To All the Mothers Out There […]

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