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Truthful Thursday – Isaiah 1
Posted on: January 29, 2009
- In: Life
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“When you lift up your hands in prayer, I will not look. Though you offer many prayers, I will not listen, for your hands are covered with the blood of innocent victims. Wash yourselves and be clean! Get your sins out of my sight. Give up your evil ways. Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the cause of orphans. Fight for the rights of widows. “Come now, let’s settle this,” says the Lord. “Though your sins are like scarlet, I will make them as white as snow. Though they are red like crimson, I will make them as white as wool.”” Isaiah 1:15-18
Not crazy, just pregnant
Posted on: January 28, 2009
- In: Life
- 4 Comments
Nearly 4 years ago, while at work, I found out that my grandfather passed away. I hid away in my boss’s office for a while till I could clear away my tears. As I was packing up to leave, my co-worker came in, gave me a big hug and started crying. I remember thinking “Wow, I think she’s more upset than me. This lady is crazy.” She was pregnant at the time.
Here’s how it is – I can get to be an emotional wreck when preggo. Just today, I was on the phone with Jonathan, crying for no good reason. Well, really, there was a reason, something like split milk, or dust accumulating on the ceiling fans, or the like. But really, no good reason at all. And all I could think was “Dude, Sarah, you are crazy.” Then I realized, I’m not crazy, just pregnant. Even if at times the two seem pretty similar.
So here’s my open confession (because for whatever reason it makes far more sense to bare my soul this way than individually):
I hate talking to people when I feel vulnerable. Like, when I’m crying for no good reason. It makes me feel really, really stupid. But, at the same time I know it’s something I need to do. I need other people to help me out when I’m down, even if it’s a split milk kinda down. I did a horrid job after Julia was born about reaching out to people and telling them just how much things were sucking. And I want to be more open and honest this time. So, if you get some random phone call from me, where you can barely hear me, or all I do is cry, just try to remember, I’m not crazy, just pregnant.
Just a few things
Posted on: January 23, 2009
- In: Life
- 2 Comments
It seems lately that I have the start of several really good blogs, but then can’t manage to make them last. So, in an attempt to rid myself of bloggerblock, I just figured I’d through together a random post of all the things I’ve been thinking.
– Last night Jonathan and I went to see Marley & Me. Seriously, this is one of my new favorite movies. Granted I cried through the last half, it was still so sweet and reminded me a lot of my two puppies. Oddly enough, I really thought that I would be more sad because of Judah, but it turned out to pull at my heart strings with Jack and Mabel. See, I find in Mabel the same enthusiasm, the same love, for Jack that I had for Judah. So, when Marley passes away and the oldest son mourns his loss, I saw what life will be like for Mabs when Jack passes on. I know that it’s inevitable, that all living creatures die, but it doesn’t make it any less painful, any less sad. But, I take comfort in knowing that her life will have been forever changed because of Jack.
– I’ve started to feel Dubya Dos pretty regularly now. I’d say at least twice a day, if I sit still for a few minutes, I get a few jabs and kicks. This is by far my favorite part of pregnancy. However, I’ve become increasingly less comfortable at night and have started sleeping with a gazillon pillows – which makes me thankful (or maybe it makes Jonathan thankful) that we upgraded to a king size bed last summer.
– God’s been dealing with me on some personal issues. I guess you could say I’m being refined by the fire. Some of it seems easy enough, but there are some deeper tougher issues that I’d like to just ignore… forever. Alas, it doesn’t work that way, and I find myself daily being challenged to surrender my thoughts/feelings over to Him in order to gain truth. It’s like eating something healthy that you don’t like – you know it’s good for you, you just don’t like doing it.
– My sister-in-law and I had a conversation this past week about motherhood. More specifically about joy in motherhood. I find that often I can say and act like being a stay at home mom is this sacrificial act. Now, don’t get me wrong, it is, but it’s also a privilege. I don’t think I stress that last part enough. God has given me the ability to bare a child, to stay at home in order to be her primary caregiver. That’s pretty much amazing. My heart, my attitude, my demeanor needs to reflect that more. In Marley & Me, Jennifer Aniston’s character gives up her job to stay at home with her children. In one scene she’s at her breaking point; everything is going wrong, her youngest has colic and she’s ready to give up. But then she says something that hit me: She made a choice. She chose to stay at home, she chose to leave behind her career for her family. And while it was harder than she ever imagined it would be, she still signed up for the job, and if she could do it all over again, she’d still pick her kids. Amen sista!
– I think I’m ready for spring. I love the winter, but I’m at a point where it sure would be nice to take Julia to the park and enjoy sitting in the warm sunshine.
Truthful Thursday – Psalm 103
Posted on: January 22, 2009
- In: Life
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“Let all that I am praise the Lord; with my whole heart, I will praise his holy name. Let all that I am praise the Lord; may I never forget the good things he does for me. He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases. He redeems me from death and crowns me with love and tender mercies. He fills my life with good things. My youth is renewed like the eagle’s!” Psalm 103:1-5
Not all of me praises the Lord. Parts, but not all. I made a list of who I am and realized that huge chucks of me don’t praise God. I was challenged by these verses, because I want all that I am to praise the Lord. He is good and worthy of my praise. My praise when I am on the mountain top and my praise when I am in the valley. No matter my circumstances all that I am should praise the Lord.
Yes, we can
Posted on: January 20, 2009
- In: Life
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“It was a creed written into the founding documents that declared the destiny of a nation: Yes, we can.
It was whispered by slaves and abolitionists as they blazed a trail towards freedom through the darkest of nights: Yes, we can.
It was sung by immigrants as they struck out from distant shores and pioneers who pushed westward against an unforgiving wilderness: Yes, we can.
It was the call of workers who organized, women who reached for the ballot, a president who chose the moon as our new frontier, and a king who took us to the mountaintop and pointed the way to the promised land: Yes, we can, to justice and equality.
Yes, we can, to opportunity and prosperity. Yes, we can heal this nation. Yes, we can repair this world. Yes, we can.
We know the battle ahead will be long. But always remember that, no matter what obstacles stand in our way, nothing can stand in the way of the power of millions of voices calling for change.
We have been told we cannot do this by a chorus of cynics. And they will only grow louder and more dissonant in the weeks and months to come.
We’ve been asked to pause for a reality check. We’ve been warned against offering the people of this nation false hope. But in the unlikely story that is America, there has never been anything false about hope.
The hopes of the little girl who goes to the crumbling school in Dillon are the same as the dreams of the boy who learns on the streets of L.A., we will remember that there is something happening in America, that we are not as divided as our politics suggest, that we are one people, we are one nation.
And, together, we will begin the next great chapter in the American story, with three words that will ring from coast to coast, from sea to shining sea: Yes, we can.”
All political affiliations, all disappointments, all anger, all hatred, all discord, all bickering, all malice and all rights versus wrongs put aside, today is a beautiful day. Today America appointed her first black president. Today America began to see hope put in the eyes and hearts of minorities that they can succeed, that they can lead, that they can have a life beyond the walls of their broken homes, beyond the fences of their ghettos, beyond the criticisms and stereotypes of their race. Today America stood and said, “Yes, we can”.
Truthful Thursday – Psalm 68
Posted on: January 15, 2009
- In: Life
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“Father to the fatherless, defender of widows – this is God, whose dwelling is holy.” Psalm 68:5
The world of blog
Posted on: January 13, 2009
- In: Life
- 2 Comments
Back in August some lady friends and I started a new blog on WordPress about healthy eating, green living and the sort. Since then I’ve been thinking of making the switch from Blogger. However, tonight Jonathan came home and announced “You should start using WordPress so we can blog together.” Thankfully he had done the research and found that I can/could/did upload all my posts from Blogger to WordPress so my old blog stays with me. Sweet. Here goes my life as a WordPress blogger.
Oh, and can I just say that Jonathan does make me laugh. Blog together? I’m pretty certain the last blog he wrote was from 2007. Not to say that things couldn’t change, but for now I think I’m staying solo.
Let’s face it, I’m a bull
Posted on: January 10, 2009
- In: Life
- 4 Comments
Once my mother told me that it would take a team of wild horses to change my mind when I was convinced of something. Later in life, Jonathan told me that I’m like a battering ram that just keeps hitting the wall until it falls. I’d have to say, both these statements are pretty accurate. I’m stubborn. I’m bull headed. And the only thing that really keeps me from plowing my way through life (leaving behind helpless victims) is the grace of God.
As of Wednesday/Thursday we decided that we’re not finding out whether we’re having a boy or a girl.
Can I just say that this is no small issue for me? In my mind, I figured that I could (and would) plow my way through this issue just like I have done many times in the past. My way or the highway. Geez, don’t you feel bad for my husband? Out of all the women in the world, he winds up with a stubborn mule. Anyways, at women’s prayer on Wednesday I was convicted that I needed to really surrender over my will on the “gender issue” to Jonathan. As an act of obedience to the Lord, I told Jonathan that ultimately my heart’s desire was/is to follow him more than to find out the sex of our baby. *Honesty time: What I really meant was “I want to follow after you but still get my way. I’m saying these things because I mean them, but we’re still going to find out. Right?”*
God makes me laugh. Because He created me, He knows me inside and out. Ok, Sarah’s will is bending, but her heart still isn’t one hundred percent. How can I, the creator of Heaven and Earth, ensure that not only do I have my daughter’s will, but her heart? Oh, right, I’ll just not let her have an ultrasound.
Say what?!
As I am slowing my battering ram down (so that the wall doesn’t fall at such a rate that my husband would really notice until after it came down) God reinforces the wall. It turns out that our insurance won’t cover our ultrasound. Which means, that if we want to have one, we have to pay out of pocket (which will be over $500). Now, there are some side stories – if my midwife thinks that we still need one we can have one (that is covered) but rather than calling it “routine” it will need to be “medical”. However, one of the nurses I spoke to yesterday said that the likelihood of us having one is small, since we’ve delivered one healthy child, had an ultrasound with this baby, and so far the pregnancy has been smooth.
And of course through all of this I am a calm and collected Christian. Hahaha! I make myself laugh. I’m a bull, remember. I get this news and call every single resource I know of in order to help me take down this wall. I mean, come on, now it’s not about the “gender issue” it’s about the safety of my child. After all, you can’t possibly deliver a healthy child without an ultrasound. The midwife might miss something. I might miss something. The ultrasound is the only way to determine the outcome of my baby.
Or not.
I spent most of Thursday in a bad mood. I won’t lie. I was a slight pain in the butt. Perhaps I went from battering ram to one of those oxen they use in running of the bulls – horns out to get anyone. All the same, it took a good 24 hours before I realized that the wall wasn’t moving. And that God was still good.
I called my sweet sister-in-law to tell her this most disastrous news. Her response: “Sarah, praise God! Your heart’s desire was to follow your husband, and now He made it possible to do so without any temptation or unnecessary debt.” Riiight… Not exactly what I was going for, but hey if what she said was what God needed for me to hear in order to get through my bull head, it worked. I started to realize that God is giving me a way out. All the time I knew that I wanted and needed to follow after Jonathan, but in the back of my mind had plans to still find out the gender. I was going to knowingly sin. I was going to knowingly disrespect Jonathan. Wow! Am I a lovely person or what?! Rather than go through all of that, God simply said “No.” And I am pretty okay with that. He knows what He is doing. He knows what is best for my life, my child’s life, my family. Who better to put my trust in then the Almighty?
“And so, Lord, where do I put my hope? My only hope is in you.” Psalm 39:7
Truthful Thursday – Job 37
Posted on: January 9, 2009
“We cannot imagine the power of the Almighty; but even though he is just and righteous, he does not destroy us. No wonder people everywhere fear him. All who are wise show him reverence.” Job 37:23-24
On to number two!
Posted on: January 5, 2009
- In: Life
- 8 Comments
I think it’s funny how little you meditate on, dream about, and talk about pregnancies after your first. I think it has a lot to do with the newness not being the same, or the fact that you (or at least me) seem to be way to tired and busy to stop and really enjoy being pregnant. Ok, ok, I admitted it. I am one of those crazy ladies who actually enjoys being pregnant. Sure, the sickness isn’t all that great, but all the same, there is a tender wonder in having a child growing inside you and I just love it.
At any rate, we’ve scheduled our ultrasound for the 29th. We naturally wanted to find out with Julia whether we were having a boy or girl. We thought it only natural so we could plan and choose names, etc. However, this time around Jonathan is wanting to wait. He has good reasons why (babe – you can post them in the comments if you want), but again I want to know. I feel like with Julia, it allowed me to form an attachment with her. We called her by her name, I sang her her song (Julia by The Beatles), and daydreamed about what it was going to be like to have a daughter.
What do you think? Should we find out? I set up a poll on the left hand side of the blog so you can give your opinion. Also, even if you think we should or shouldn’t find out, what would you do (or have done)? Did you like (or would you like) knowing or not knowing?
A Wife Loved Like The Church 
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