A Wife Loved Like The Church

Best resume ever.

Posted on: September 17, 2008

Here’s my friend’s first draft. Any suggestions?

PROFESSIONAL OBJECTIVE
Sell my time for highest profit.

EDUCATION
UNIVERSITY OF IOWA, IOWA CITY
Bachelor of Liberal Arts GPA: Pending

EXPERIENCE
COFFEE SHOP, IOWA CITY, IA
Barrista May 2007 – Present
1. Serviced grumpy and occasionally unreasonable clients
a. Put up with unwarranted harassment
2. Can make an Espresso Shake
a. 5 scoops of anonymous shake base, 2 shots espresso, cocoa and milk blended on high for 18 seconds.
3. Know a lot about espresso
a. Perfect shot is 24 seconds
b. Crema is what makes shots good
c. Espresso is affected by air temp, humidity and light
d. Espresso is freaking annoying to work with
e. I don’t care if you’ve had it in Europe or not; it’s still annoying to work with

COMPUTER CONSULTING, CORALVILLE, IA
Installation Engineer August 2006 – May 2007
1. Serviced grumpy and occasionally unreasonable clients
2. Custom designed installations on site
a. Roof installs
b. Side of building installs
c. Remote (neither roof nor side of building) installs
3. Learned to solve problems I could not even understand

LANDSCAPING COMPANY, NEW ORLEANS, LA
Landscape Design Artist May 2006 – July 2006
1. Customers include
a. The rich
b. The wealthy
c. The affluent
2. Installed sprinkler systems and grass
a. 8 hours a day in the Louisiana summer
3. Pulled weeds
a. Out of gardens
b. While clients swam in their luxurious pools
c. Then it rained on me.

References available.

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1 Response to "Best resume ever."

Perfect!

-Tony

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