A Wife Loved Like The Church


Posted on: January 18, 2008

I’m entitled to have good days aren’t I? And when I have one good day, isn’t the next day suppose to be just as good? It should never be worse, right? I have to be honest, this is something that I’m really struggling with and trying to wrap my mind around. When I have one really amazing day with Julia (she isn’t very fussy, we get a lot done at the house, we can visit friends) I think I am entitled to ever day being that way. Like this week.

On Tuesday we had an amazing day. She napped when she was suppose to, we got to meet Jonathan for lunch, she wasn’t very fussy and seemed to just be completely content all day. Wednesday was a whole different story. She cried if I held her, cried if I put her down, she barely napped and finally by the late afternoon I got her to fall asleep while I held her the whole time. Which means the house was a mess, I was a mess, dinner was the last thing from my mind. And I realize, Julia is my job. Not my house, or laundry, or dinner. But still. I should be able to do those things…

Well, on Wednesday night I spent some time with Shirley. I was talking to her about how I feel entitled to these things, and how I get pretty angry when I pray and God doesn’t seem to respond to those prayers (ex: I’m exhausted and just want Julia to sleep. I pray and she only sleeps for 3 hours, or she wakes up 3-4 times). It seems like He would want me to rest, to feel good about the day ahead and not so run down and weak. Then Thursday morning Shirley sent me an email with these verses from 2 Corinthians 12:

“Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

Wow, that hit me like a ton of bricks. Since Julia’s birth I have been working on my own strength, my own power and I’m exhausted. So yesterday I prayed “God, I need time with you, but you’re going to need to make my schedule clear.” And while it wasn’t “clear” in the sense that I accepted, He did give me time when Julia was relaxing in her bouncy seat. And again this morning. Yet, I realize that I can’t wait for God to give me loads of time, because it won’t ever happen, but He will give me time and it’s up to me to use it effectively.

3 Responses to "Entitlement"

God is using motherhood in our lives to make us depend on Him more I think. I thought I was doing pretty well on my own before the baby came along. Then comes the baby and all of sudden we can’t do anything except depend on Him. Which is right where we should be. I am so glad we have God to help us. *hug* I think you need one sis.

Angie, you are so right, motherhood makes us totally dependent on God.

Something that rose in my heart, as I read your blog: every moment you spend with Julia ‘is’ a moment spent with God. I’m sure you realize this, in one sense – that she is a gift from God but…. what I am trying to say is, every time you have an interaction with Julia – pleasant or unpleasant, remember that, through this interaction you are able to give and receive, simultaneously, God’s love and, until you have the “block” of time to interact with God in other ways, just ask God to be ever present and ever giving in the moments you spend with Julia. And when she fusses, or cries, ask God to help you to understand why she is doing this and to guide you in the direction of what Julia is needing. In this way, you and Julia will both learn – together, and you will have ample time with God in the process.

I love you…..


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