A Wife Loved Like The Church

Of pregnancies and babies

Posted on: November 29, 2010

Not really, we’re:

{photo credit}

Since August, Jonathan and I have not-not tried to get pregnant. Essentially, we aren’t trying to get pregnant, but for the first time since Hannah was born, we aren’t preventing it either. And quite honestly, I am all confused by the not-not trying.

Before I go any further, let me say this: My daughters are more than enough for me. It’s hard to explain or understand, but if I never have another child, my mama heart will be full to the brim just because of Julia and Hannah. Yet, at the same time there is a longing for a larger family. And that’s where the confusion sets in. In all this not-not business, I am constantly having to evaluate my heart and motives. Having to question why I want more children, why I think I’m “ready”, and staying content with my life as is. Then comes the planner in me: If I know my cycle, why would we not try? And how much effort do I put into tracking my cycle if we aren’t necessarily trying?

God has been revealing a lot to me in the last few weeks. I haven’t grasped all of it, but am starting to understand certain points. Starting to understand that life isn’t mapped out, delivered to you in a perfect package. That what I think should happen, is certainly not what needs to happen. Understanding that I rely far too much on my own control than God’s. It’s a constant lesson, not just with our not-not trying, but in all my life. It’s a constant reliance on God to lead me through my days. And I trust that in it all, He will grow me, shape me and draw me closer to Him.

8 Responses to "Of pregnancies and babies"

Sarah – Our personal appetites are wonderful. God given. I respect your eagerness and willingness to put it out there honestly and then let it become something else too. I can remember being in the same position with my two young daughters and yearning for more while being thoroughly satisfied with my two. You have such a dear heart!

I am reminded of the Psalm “give me the desires of my heart” and how it can be interpreted to mean either “give me what I desire” or “put desires within my heart”. I think it really works both ways. Because you are balanced and trusting, you will move from glory to glory with a growing satisfaction. Blessings on you!

Arita – thank you for the comment. I so agree with you on the ways to interpret the desires verse.

Loved and related to ur post, Sarah. I’ve been wrestling w those same issues,contentment,true motives and reliance. At the same time I’ve been denying the intensity of my desire for what I think I won’t be able to go through life without. Denial only makes it hurt more. So…thanks for the meditation.

Glad you got something from it Megan. It’s hard keeping a balance, especially when it’s something we really desire.

I hear ya friend! Thanks a lot for making me almost choke on my lunch though! I thought this was an announcement!

Haha! When I was writing this my SIL walked by and said “You’re pregnant?!” I thought it’d be funny to give people a run for their money. 😉

What a great post!!!! It was totally God, because I was just thinking about some of these things tonight, and struggling through some of these things. Thanks for your honesty and insight!

Thanks for the comment Stephanie! Glad you stopped by!

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