A Wife Loved Like The Church

Let it rain

Posted on: May 16, 2009

It’s been raining here a lot this last week. I don’t really mind as I love the rain and it helps me keep the garden well watered. Plus, as some of you might remember I got some rainboots for my birthday, which actually makes running 9 months pregnant while carrying Julia kinda fun. 

However, not only has it been raining outside, it’s been raining inside too. No leaky roofs or holes, but me – crying. Lots.

Let me preface the rest of this post by saying – I adore being pregnant. I really, really do. With all the sickness, aches and pains, I see past it all and simply love being pregnant. I’m very grateful that God has blessed me with Julia and now this child. 

But, I’m not a big fan of the emotions that come with pregnancy. My personality is such that I really like being in control, especially of my emotions. No need to cry over something or show too much pain, especially in front of other people. I don’t mind expressing my feelings, oh no, just ask Jonathan. He told me just this week that I’m more in touch with my feelings than most people. I usually know what I’m feeling, why I’m feeling it and what should be done about it. But in all that, I want to really harness how my emotions/feelings are expressed. I suppose ultimately it comes down to pride, control and vanity.

Alas, I’ve hit that stage in my pregnancy where emotional control seems to have flown the coop. Yesterday I sat in the van and cried sobbed for a good minute two minutes five minutes because I spilled coffee all over the Father’s Day cards I had just purchased. Take note – none of the cards were ruined, just the envelopes (which are easily replaceable). To make matters worse, I was waiting at Jonathan’s work in the parking lot when this “saga” happened, making me crying even harder because I felt like a complete fool as his co-workers are leaving, perhaps even catching sight of my weepy eyes. 

I think the worse part is that I’ve no real reason to be crying. Things are going well, Dubya Dos is doing great (per our midwife yesterday), Julia isn’t overly toddler-like (and even slept in yesterday till 6:45!) and our remodeling of the downstairs is nearly complete. Yet, if I hear/read/watch/think of something sad the water works start falling. And the entire time I keep thinking how silly I am for crying, which makes me cry even more. Oy vei! 

So, for all you Iowan friends, if you catch me crying, don’t worry, nothing is wrong. Perhaps I saw a sappy commercial or a leaf somewhere in China fell off a tree. Or maybe even I just thought crying sounded nice (which last week it did, which produced a few minutes of peaceful crying while Julia napped). Hopefully, after the fourth trimester is over I should return to “normal”.

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