A Wife Loved Like The Church

Finding joy in motherhood, Part 2

Posted on: February 16, 2009

Do you have reoccurring dreams? Ones that keep coming back over and over. Maybe the scene changes, but the plot stays the same? I found a few months into Julia’s life that I dreamt every night about her crying. The dream itself was different (the location, the people, the situation), but one thing was always the same: Julia was crying. I remember telling my sister, Shelly, that I literally could not get a break from this girl. She cried in my conscience and subconscious. 

Last April we were in the throws of a nearly two month battle of crying-it-out. One night I awoke to screaming for the third or fourth time in mere hours. I can recall thinking “Seriously, God, what do you want? I will literally do anything for Julia to sleep.” His response? Grace.

Grace is a tricky thing. Everyone wants it, no one wants to give it. 

When someone is upset with me because of something I have done, I will go to great lengths to fix the problem. This is especially true of my close relationships. I will push and push, but if I actually do send someone over the edge, I am frantic to mend the situation, even if that involves groveling on my part. But, boy watch out if I’m the one pushed. I’ll remind you of that time way back when, when you forgot to call to say you were running late and so we missed the previews at the movie. I mean, come on, the previews are my favorite part of going to the movies. You are so, so unloving. I will grace you not.  

Kids need lots of grace. They are little sinners, acting on what comes best to man – sinning. Now that doesn’t mean that they should be allowed to act on every single impulse that comes to mind. No. But, at the same time as a mom, I should remember that Julia is only 15 months. Of course she’s going to meltdown. Of course she’s going to boycott the same food she loved just this morning. Of course she is going to fail, over and over again.  No reason to get upset when a toddler acts like, well, a toddler. *Disclaimer: Just cause I say it, doesn’t mean I always practice it. Many, many times I get frustrated that Julia is acting like a toddler. Especially when it’s over an issue we’ve dealt with (and I thought we understood) a hundred times… in one hour.

We walk in amazing grace with our Father. I mean, in all reality I deserve hell. Literally. I am challenged to allow my daughter to feel like she walks in the same grace in our relationship. That I can realize that she will fall short, but that I have grace to cover her. That I can see past all the sins, all the nastiness of man, and love her because she is mine. And more importantly, she is God’s.

Julia and Jack

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