Archive for April 2012
Exhaustion
Posted on: April 30, 2012
- In: Life
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I don’t do a very good job of slowing down. Typically, I hit a breaking point and self implode. There’s no warning, no leveling off. Just a face plant into a wall.
I hit my breaking point at the beginning of April. With race training leading into SXSW, leading into Hannah’s surgery, throwing in countless birthday parties, and wrapping everything up with Julia’s ER trip, I self imploded. I went into safety mode of calling off all outside responsibilities and spending more time with our family.
Last weekend we spent a day exploring. Found ourselves at Lyndon B Johnson’s home. Ate crazy good food from a rundown hotel.
This weekend we putted around the house. Did yard work. Ate pizza and frozen yogurt. Went swimming.
Yet, even as wonderful as our family time has been, I still felt exhausted and overworked.
Yesterday, I ran a 10K race. It was a really fun race, running along the river downtown. Around mile five, I noticed that my ankle was starting to hurt. I assumed it was from running on uneven pavement, so tried finding more level ground. I finished the race off strong, only to have a limp. As the day wore on, it became harder to walk, forcing me to ice down my foot, wrap it up and move as little as possible. Two things I learned yesterday afternoon; 1) it’s nearly impossible for me to “move as little as possible”, 2) injured Sarah is a grouchy Sarah.
Today’s laundry list of chores is growing by the minute. Both girls are in school, which usually is my golden opportunity to get all my errands done with only one babe in tow. But given that it hurts to walk from the bed to the bathroom, I’m certain grocery shopping will prove nearly impossible.
Jonathan’s given me mandatory “bed rest” for the day. Which essentially means, slowing down and resting my foot. There is a part of me that is grumbling – complaining about everything that’s not going to get accomplished if I can’t move around. But another part of me wonders if this isn’t the best thing for me. A forced slow down. A chance, while Joseph is sleeping and the girls are at school, to just rest.
Who knew a strained ankle would finally be what makes me stop. Here’s to a day of rest.
- In: Life
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We had our second trip ever to the ER last night. This time it was for Julia.
After complaining for an entire day about a headache, Julia began vomiting and running a low grade fever. It was concerning, the headache part especially, but we decided to put her to bed early. When she woke up around 9 vomiting, we made the decision to take her to the ER.
{resting yesterday afternoon}
The ER doctor said that she has a bacterial infection and prescribed antibiotics. We weren’t given an real explanation as to why she’s had a headache, but thankfully as of this morning she said it doesn’t hurt.
Last night, after Jonathan and Julia left for the hospital I sent out a text to some friends to pray for her. My friend, Leah, sent me this text back ::
“No one ever told me how very hard it is to be a momma and love your kids.” Amen. As a mama, having your kids face any hardship – especially sickness – is way heartbreaking and scary. And it really is hard to walk through that with confidence that God is in control. But He is. Even when we don’t see it or understand it, He is.
I’m grateful that our two {and hopefully no more} ER trips have ended without true concern. I’m grateful for a daughter who doesn’t have any major health issues {nor do the other kids}. And I’m grateful for a God whose love is even deeper for Julia than my own.
My family is my Friday {and every other day} Joy.
- In: Life
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I have a hard time writing a post after I’ve written something more serious. But, alas, I figured if I’m going to write again it might as well be light and airy.
Which is exactly what this skirt is ::
As soon as I tried it on I loved it. But, because of the length, I was rather apprehensive. So, I facebooked it. I got yeses all around, so I bought the skirt. At the prompting of Jill, I knew I couldn’t leave the skirt at it’s current length. It’s tea length, which is frankly not my favorite style and doesn’t look all that great on me.
Because of a few sewing projects gone bad over the last few months, I’ve been a little gun shy when it comes to using my sewing machine. But, I knew if I ever wanted to wear my new skirt, I would have to suck it up and hem.
So I did ::
I measured 7″ all around the base of the skirt, cut up the side seams, then cut along my markings with the curve of the skirt. Once the skirt was cut, I turned the fabric under and hemmed away. Very slowly. I made a few mistakes {while cutting} but so far only I can tell. Jonathan noticed it once I pointed it out, but assured me he couldn’t tell before {and wouldn’t notice it even after knowing}.
I’m pretty pleased with the outcome. And it was a great project to get me back in the sewing saddle. Perhaps I’ll tackle this skirt next.
What fun and crafty adventures have you done lately?
Visit Alicia at Alicia’s Homemaking for more Try New Adventures Thursday.
- In: Life
- 31 Comments
I’m not sure when it first dawned on me that I’m an angry person. Fiery, sure. But angry? Me? Never. Angry is something mean people are. Angry is that man who loses it over being served a tomato on his hamburger when he clearly asked for none. Or that woman at the store who is yelling at the top of her lungs at the cowering manager. I am not angry like that.
Do I tend to get heated over certain topics? Of course. But that’s passion.
Does my blood boil when someone crosses the line with me? Yeah. But that’s justice.
Yet for years there has silently been a fire burning inside me. A fire that has lashed out at my adoring husband and sweet children. A fire that has slowly been burning my house to the ground.
One afternoon, in mid-February, the fire took over. I raged, literally, raged with anger, and my girls felt the full effects. While I’ve always been pretty transparent on my blog, I’m keeping the details of that moment private because frankly they are painful and heart crushing – nothing worth retelling.
The after effects of a fire are not pretty. Life is burned. Ashes of what once were are left in heaps on the floor. It is ugly and resembles death.
When I walked away from that moment, I crumbled. I hid from my children for the rest of the day. I couldn’t trust myself. When Jonathan came home, I wept. “I need help. I’m scared of myself, of what I am becoming.” I cried. Through an evening of prayer, repentance and reconciliation, I took my first steps toward putting out the fire.
I finally came to terms with the fact that I have some deep seeded anger issues. How and why they are there are varied, but one thing is certain, they cannot stay. I refuse to allow my children to grow up with an angry mom. In what has been a bold, yet humbling step, I’ve started meeting with a counselor. For the last month, I’ve been taking what seem to be minuscule steps toward recovery. I’ve spent a lot of time identifying my “trigger points” and learning to redirect my thought process and words during heated moments.
I wish I could say thing are rosy and peaceful now. But they aren’t. I still struggle with lashing out. I see the effects of my anger played out before my eyes, especially in Julia when she lashes out in the same manner that I have. Which is heart breaking coming from such a sweet child – and soul wrenching realizing it’s my sin that has done it. My first reaction to most stressful situations is still anger. But, through more grace than I will ever comprehend, I am starting to see moments of healing shine through. Moments that would have made me scream and yell, now make me step back and redirect. Moments where I feel a peace only God gives, because I know all too well that it is not my own. Moments of healing and restoration, of finding joy where there was once sorrow.
Facing your sin is hard. It’s ugly. It’s painful. It gets down right nasty at times. But there is hope. Hope in the promise of Christ. He ransomed us from sin through his death and resurrection, because of his overwhelming love. So, yeah, facing your sin is hard. But through Christ, and what He’s done, we don’t have to face our sins alone.
I was in the final touches of writing a really helpful post about post-tonsillectomy recovery for children. I planned to put the finishing touches on it this morning.
Then Hannah refused to sleep last night. That girl was up every 1.5-2 hours all night long. She complained that her “mouth was on fire” and no matter how much pain medicine or ice cold water we gave her, she was miserable all night. Which translates into Jonathan and I being up all night {and truthfully, pretty miserable too}.
Exhaustion has set in and my brain is no longer functioning at a blog post worthy level. And while I’m craving a nap like nobody’s business, Hannah’s acting like last night never even happened….
- In: Life
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When it comes to television, I’m a straight shooter : Give me a good sitcom and leave the drama for ya mama. I can’t get beyond one season of most dramas, and I’ve tried a lot {Brothers and Sisters, Grey’s Anatomy, Desperate Housewives and only two episodes of SMASH to name a few}. With all the sexy-sex, over dramatic plots and soap opera like episodes, my brain starts hurting. Until now.
I watched my first episode of Once Upon a Time just before Joseph was born. I’ve been hooked ever since. Despite being a drama, you don’t get the overtly sexual tension that seems to propel most dramas. And there’s something about splitting episodes between “our world” and “fairy tale” world that is quite appealing. Like a “where are they now” of all your favorite fairy tale characters. The writers have done a great job of delving into the characters and writing out their stories while building the plot. Not to mention the crazy spins the writers have put on the characters and plots {Red Riding Hood IS the big bad wolf?? Didn’t see that one coming}.
The season is wrapping up in May, and while I’m eager for next season, I’m also a little worried. Once the characters have been written out, where will it go from there? Are they going to start adding outlandish plots and turning it into just another nighttime soap opera? Or are they going to leave the sexy-sex behind and give us quality television?
However the series goes next season, I highly recommend you watch this season. It totally rocks.
What’s your favorite show on tv?
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